i cheated on ** with *** and they took me back (NOT clickbait!)
JK yes clickbait. ** is AZ. *** is NYC.
In light of a few members of the CR Phoenix team moving away and beginning new chapters in their lives, I thought this would be an excellent time (as a self proclaimed Arizona returnee) to reflect on what I personally didn’t realize I would miss about this state.
When I was in college, I spent an absurd amount of time in New York City, entirely for stupid reasons.
The first time I went was because a friend drunkenly invited me to visit for two weeks.
The second time was a 3 month stint with two other people just as crazy as me who agreed to split a one bedroom in west Harlem (Do NOT do this).
The third time was the longest at 9 months, for someone I thought I was madly in love with (I also would probably not recommend this).
This is not to say I don't miss NYC - I miss it a lot. I never cared that much about the dirt and grime of the city, or the rats scurrying around in the background. Nowhere in the US, in my opinion, is as walkable. A friend of mine always says, “You know how I love when exercise is naturally implemented into your day.” I was basically hitting the stairmaster everyday out of necessity with the subways. I miss the scrappiness too… I had many a weird job. Everything was a side quest. The friends I made were so different from anyone I’d ever met. Someone I met there is childhood friends with Amaya from this past season of Love Island, which I didn’t know until he posted, “Congratzzz cousin.” Another girl I met through a friend is Lil Uzi Vert’s piercer. There’s a lot of queer joy to be found as well, so loudly celebrated. I cannot say the same for Phoenix unless you know where to go.
Below:
Trader Joe’s On 96th
Hero Cosmetics Internship
Pretending To Graduate From NYU
Very Gay Cow Themed B-Day Party
Crazy Haircut After Breakup & Pink Lady In The Park
Marketing Internship Where The Girl From The NYU Photo Posted This Goddamn Parmesan Cheese Graphic And They Caught Us Redhanded
Arizona, by contrast, is a dusty Republican dominated state with old white people shaking their fists in the air as people forget to signal while merging three lanes over to the exit on the highway. The air pollution is probably just as bad as NYC. Sometimes, Congressman Eli Crane’s call-in town halls are routed to my phone and I pick up to listen in and see what the rest of Arizona has to say. Unsurprisingly, they’re usually mad about the border.
And yet… when I came back to finish out my senior year of college, and the heat enveloped me in its devilish embrace… I felt a rush of gratitude and awe that I had never truly felt before as an entitled bitch. Everyone says they can’t wait to leave Arizona, as one does when you’ve stayed somewhere most of your life and desperately want to experience something, anything! I would never say that you shouldn’t go and explore, but remember to leave space to return. You don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it. Ugh! I hate it when middle aged people reflecting on their youth are right!
I can’t even joke this was a terrible horrible day.
God, I missed the heat! When I landed in NYC, there was a BLIZZARD GOING ON! I went out in a BLIZZARD to locate the correct screws for my bedframe (my new roommate had somehow lost all of the screws) and after I had found and purchased them, I dropped them all outside of the hardware shop. That would never happen in Phoenix. Some people (Filipinos) sweat tremendously in the heat and hate it here. I (awesome lizard woman) do not sweat that much. That is why Maria Manaog, founder and Editor in Chief of Club Rambutan, moved to SF and I am still here. I love that we don’t have seasons. We have summer (extreme edition) and fall. Not many layers are needed and you save space on clothing in your bags and closets. I liked the layering for the fun, fashion experimentation aspect, but then why was I at the club looking like a grandma?
“Sweaty Filipina”
by Maria Manaog 2022
I hate admitting this, but I missed the pool. I don’t particularly like getting wet, especially not my hair, but there’s something so wonderful about clipping your hair up and wading around in a shaded pool in Arizona heat. Perhaps reading a book poolside, dipping your toes in. Hot tubs in the fall (weather is perfect for them for so many months of the year) with friends. NYC does not have easy to access pools, in fact, the Harlem pool was shut down when I lived there, to my roommate and I’s chagrin. You can go on TikTok and see the military intensity they run their public pools by.
The valley is also known for the extreme intensity of its air conditioning. And I’m sure many have said, “But Europe doesn’t have air conditioning!” SHUT UPPPPP! This isn’t Italy! My NYC roommate and I did not even have window air conditioning because some man was supposed to purchase it for us. I got fed up at the end of June, hopped on Facebook Marketplace, found one for $50, carried it down 6 flights of stairs, reassessed my strength, and called an Uber. Then I installed it myself.
Sweaty with my newfound AC unit.
Lesson learned - never trust your friend when they say a man will provide. He will not.
I love central AC now with every fiber of my being. My dad keeps his house at 78 degrees in the summer and that felt like the greatest gift I had ever received when I returned.
I have so many other aspects of Phoenix that I didn’t realize I loved so wholeheartedly… the dryness, how flat the city is, the highly praised street grid system, the library…having a reasonably sized closet… so many things. Most importantly, my brother was here.
Frankly, I’m not a family oriented person, so this one surprised me. I don’t call my parents and they don’t call me. We’re not the sharing type. I had spent so much time away from my brother by this point - boarding school for the last two years of high school and almost all of college - that I couldn’t even fathom that he was 17. When I left for boarding school, I had been 17 myself, uncertain, horribly down in the dumps, and honestly? I didn’t give a fuck about anyone but me.
The best and worst part about returning to Arizona has always been the realization that he had suddenly become a fully formed person without my consent or knowledge. If I had gone back to NYC like I originally planned after graduating early, I would have never truly known my brother. What a shame that would have been! He’s really quite a nice boy. He just turned 20 and is a much less selfish person than I was at 20, so I have high hopes for him at 25.
Below: My brother in 2017 vs 2023. I legitimately could only find this stupid photo where he was pretending to take a photo of me but instead took a selfie.
I remember he stopped by my apartment sometime last year and someone told me, “You can tell that he really loves you.” And while I am sure he would have loved me even when far, far away, in a way you’re taught to love the family you don’t see very often, it’s much more tangible now. I know I can borrow his Subaru to retrieve a giant piece of furniture I found on Facebook Marketplace. He knows he can call me for things that don’t concern all of y’all. Not trying to air out his business in my article…
Anyways, heat, pools, AC and my brother - there’s my Arizona quartet that I didn’t realize I missed. One of my crazy and fondly remembered ex-roommates (I actually still live with her) said to add, “The rain in Arizona smells good. The rain in NYC smells like fish.” So, to all you Arizona rain lovers out there, beware New York City. It smells like fish (and dreams! if you believe Alicia Keys).
