the big three of meaningless conversation (and more).
One thing about me—I LOVE awkward situations. Yes, I’m a freak!! I love icebreakers. I think it’s fun when people in a group don’t really know what to say and I can jump in and say something stupid. Getting a conversation going is one of life’s greatest joys.
Turns out this is many people’s greatest fear. Small talk. Hmm. It’s okay.
Now, what you really need to know is that small talk is just lying without really lying. It’s like when you’re in a meeting and the other person asks, “How are you doing today?” Obviously you’re going to say something along the lines of, “Great! And you?” You could be the most depressed person in the world and claim to be having a great day.
Here is my big three of small talk.
The weather.
Children/pets.
The weekend.
Personally I am a weather sun, weekend moon and children/pets rising.
The weather
Photo by Grant Johnson
Phoenix lends itself to this quite well on video calls with people around the US. Gag them stupendously in your next interview by telling them it’s over 100 degrees right now. Laugh playfully in their faces when they say it's 80 degrees in Tennessee (yes, I did that today). Tell them how horrible your life is in the summer. Don’t worry. You can lord over them in a few months when it’s snowing and you have a lovely 70 degree winter day ahead of you.
Why does the weather talk always work? Well, one, if you’re in person, you can either commiserate about how bad it is or marvel at how amazing it is. No such thing as a neutral weather day. Those beautiful days where you step outside and go, “This weather is amazing.” is a common sentiment shared by anyone, regardless of where you are or who you are. Online, you get to compare and contrast. On the phone with someone in Florida and you’ve never been to Florida? Weather. On the phone with someone in Florida and you’ve been to Florida? Weather.
It’s tradition at some point.
Children/Pets
There’s nothing a parent likes to talk about more than their child, and there’s nothing a pet owner likes to talk about more than their pet. And to be fair, there’s a high likelihood the parent participated in the creation of the child, so they did lowkey create life. The pet owner just picked it up somewhere.
Kids are practically begging to be talked about. The milestones are ripe for the sharing. And, some well placed questions can land you in this person’s favor. “When do babies start talking again?” has been enormously successful for me. Also, “When do they start to walk? Crawl?” etc. Early childhood development is a topic that goes over well with parents of young children. They know something you don’t—which makes everyone feel good about themselves. And, you get to learn something about a baby that you probably forgot from the last time you asked this. I speak from personal experience.
Parents with older children love sharing things about them as well. To be honest, the child will be into something that’s easy to ask questions about. Imagine that the child is a Disney fanatic. “Awww. What’s their favorite Disney movie?” “Been to Disneyland recently or going in the future?” “Are you a big Disney fan, too? Did they get it from you?” Pair that last one with a bit of a raised eyebrow and smile, and you’re in.
Photo by Francheska Juban
Pets are the perfect scapegoat. People care deeply about a dog or a cat and often have one themselves. A few months ago I blamed my roommates’ cat for me being late to a meeting. Yumi supposedly knocked over a plant and left a mess everywhere. Now, this is not a lie per se, as she actually had done that in the past, but the timing was adjusted to benefit me. Everyone just said, “Haha! Bad cat!” and left it at that.
Disclaimer: Yumi has frequently done naughty things while I’ve been in a meeting, like walking on my keyboard and meowing so loud and annoyingly that someone thought she was a distressed baby.
The weekend
Ah, the weekend. “What are you doing over the weekend?” “What did you do over the weekend?” Be prepared at all times to answer this. In fact, consider taking the first shot to give yourself time to answer this inevitable question. It could come on a Wednesday of all times.
The most mundane event or activity works best, my boss confided in me that she was getting back into her “dinner era” and had gone to dinner on Saturday with her fiance and a lovely gay couple. That’s the good stuff. Everyone goes out to dinner! I obviously responded that I was also getting back into my dinner era and speakeasy era, albeit reluctantly, as my roommate is fond of expensive places.
A few boring things I’ve shared—
Bought protein coffee
Went to karaoke
Got a library card
Tried a new hummus
Bought & assembled a new desk (storytime! My old one collapsed when I tried to shift it two inches to the right)
weather
| children & pets |
the weekend |
weather | children & pets | the weekend |
Now, clearly those are just topics you can and will hit. The approach and implementation matters as well.
Say something obvious
Ask for advice
Share your misfortune
Say something obvious
Nothing better than being in an awkward situation and going, “Uh… wow this is awkward.” Once I used, “Huh, we’ve never actually talked one on one,” during the first few minutes of a group meeting where we were the only two there for a significant amount of time. It worked somehow.
-> this weather is amazing
Ask for Advice
Well, you might as well get them to weigh in on something while you have them, and people love to weigh in on situations that have nothing to do with them. Pretend you’re Pepe from Love Island Season 7. “Should I cheat on my girl the day before the Love Island Season 7 Reunion?” Hopefully they say, no, don’t!
-> weekend? -> I’m in my dinner era -> should i go there with my friends?
Share your misfortune
This is a tricky one as we do not want to trauma dump. That is offputting to people you’re meeting for the first time. A small misfortune that has befallen you, however, is a great boon to conversation.
-> cat knocked over plant -> late for meeting -> hahaha bad cat my cat does that
Other real life examples…
“My car got rear ended by a frat guy and then when I stepped out of my car, guess what happened? A bee stung my foot.”
Garner sympathy yet humorous
“I accidentally cc’d instead of bcc’d a very large group of important people on an email thread. One guy replied and said his back still felt like shit (laughing crying emoji) to everyone.”
Mistake was made, and yet funny. Forgiven!
“Hey guys, just want to let y’all know that I’m feeling a little under the weather, so if my voice goes out a little during the interview you guys know what’s going on.”
Garner sympathy and soften potential errors. They hired me.
This particular article vaulted itself out of my brain onto the computer in an hour or two. So, I have no idea if it was useful. I’ll be here crossing my fingers and toes that the readers of the Phoenix Rambutan Roundup will think to themselves, “Wow. The managing editor is quite odd but gave useful tips.”
I’ll leave you with this—embrace the silences that last just a second too long, stumble over your words, crack a bad joke that no one laughs at. Perhaps next time someone will. Life goes on.
