AHSEA KIM: AIMLESS DESTINY, FUELED BY FAITH AND PASSION

An interview with Tiffany Hua

Tiffany Hua: Can you walk me through your final project and how it reflects this issue's theme of fear?

Ahsea Kim: My final project is based on the idea of the mise-en-abyme. I wanted to approach fear through a more positive lens, [to use it] as a way to increase self-awareness and propel personal growth. Each layer of the mirror is a frame closer to the real me, revealing the depth of my identity. I believe fear can be used to discover myself, my triggers, what I am afraid of, and knowing these things can help me face & counter it meaningfully.

When we think about fear, there's a natural negative connotation that is attached to it. Almost straight away, fear is seen as a bad thing. It is always treated as something that’s detrimental or harmful to you. 

New Face of Fear (Informational Liaisons) by Ahsea Kim

I was going through a season where I was reflecting on my own emotions, and I realized I am a very fearful person. I was very oblivious to it at first, but now I'm actually aware that that is kind of who I am. The epiphany was a really big moment for me.

“I wanted to try to approach fear from a different perspective, where it's actually something that helps you realize who you are. For me, identity is a really big thing. I remember one of my friends saying, if someone really wants to break you, the best way to break someone is to make them confused about who they are.”

T: I definitely think fear and identity are intertwined, and I love that your project is interpreting fear in a better light. Do you mind going more into detail regarding your technical approach to this piece?  

A: My primary medium is acrylic painting. With acrylic, it's more environmentally-friendly in terms of discarding [the paint]. I'm not calling myself a climate activist, but I do think about the climate as an artist. 

I still do consider myself an emerging artist, and so I'm still figuring out the trajectory of my own style. The prominent motifs I incorporate in my artwork are the fish and the apple. Those two symbols are very important to me. 

I love looking at fish. I just think they're so pretty; their colors, so vibrant and vivid, and so unapologetically flashy. Those are colors that you don't see on land. Fish are so mysterious to me because they all live under the sea. The other reason is because of my faith, my background as a Christian. The fish is a really important symbol for me, because it was a symbol of Christianity back in the Roman Empire. And fish in Greek are called ictus. If you get the spelling of ictus, which is i c, t, h, u, s, it's actually an acronym in Greek, that stands for Jesus, Christ, Son of God, Savior. That is my primary identity, being a child of God, living in love, by faith, and having this faith is really the foundation of who I am.

Another cool thing about fish is they swim in schools. I read somewhere that fish perform the best when they're swimming with others. I don't really know the scientific part of it, but they survive because they have each other. And for me, community is a really big part of who I am as well. 

The use of the apple motif in my artwork is also connected to my faith. Everyone knows the story of Adam and Eve, the bitten apple is famously used. But my apple is whole, and to me, it's like sanctification. It's a big theological word, but to elaborate on that, it's like us [humans] being more purified and becoming more like Christ. The wholeness represents what was made possible because of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice. 

Apple motif from New Face of Fear (Informational Liaisons) by Ahsea Kim

T: In your initial application to Club Rambutan’s fourth artist cohort, you emphasized your tendency to question the role of art and how it molds the status quo in our society. How does your own artwork challenge social and cultural norms?

A: I strive to present works that help people question the meaning of life. It's such an important thing to question, “Why are people here? Are we just stardust? Where do we actually come from? Where are we actually going?”.

In terms of challenging the status quo, I would like to encourage people who see my artwork, to start asking questions about what they're doing, their purpose or even question what comes after death. Maybe the status quo is that we no longer need to think as much because we have ChatGPT, and I include myself in that category. It is so convenient and comfortable for us not to think critically anymore. Overall, to encourage people to think more deeply about life and themselves.

T: During your time at the University of Sydney as a bachelor's student of the visual arts, you began to lean more towards theory and started to focus on art history. What is your general thought process for creating your own work, both conceptually and in practice?

A: I'm not much of a planner. I just do what I like to do, just maybe that is part of the thought process, but I like to go on walks, just mindless walks, aimless destiny. I don't really have a specific destination when I go on these strolls. There's this word in French called flaneur, and it's when you go strolling in the city to observe.

“I like to do that because I think those are the moments when something just clicks. When you think of wavelengths or frequency, it's kind of all over the place for me, but when I'm walking, there will always be one moment when I feel like the frequency just matches my next idea. The process for me is waiting.”

I don't really go out of my way to rigorously look for what I want to work on. I also pray and meditate about what to paint next. My thought process is very passive in that I'm just sitting still or mindlessly walking around until I find that creative spark.

T: I love that. Once you get that creative spark, do you just let your mind take creative control and just create in the moment?

A: I have tried to do that, but it goes haywire, and I never liked the work. When I get that spark, that's when I sit down and start to think, “how do I want to build on this idea?”. Sometimes, I flick through Pinterest, I flick through books. I like to start to draw everything down, put everything together, and once I have that initial drawing, that's when I transpose it onto the canvas.

My thought process when it comes to painting is very simple. It's not that sophisticated. 

New Face of Fear (Informational Liaisons) by Ahsea Kim

T: Based on a pre-cohort interview you had with the team, the Bible helps you analyze both your individual purpose and relationships in this life. However, you've also mentioned an interest in the concept of desire and how we become what we long for, idolized in worship. How much of your identity would you say is attributed to the teachings of your religion, as opposed to your own growing interests and aspirations?

A: I think my own flesh and mind has had its opposition to the teachings of the Bible. It's hard because I have to essentially go against my own natural desires to follow what God has commanded me to do. 

I would say it's always been a struggle. Most of my identity comes from the word of God, which is the Bible. Remember how I mentioned reflecting on your purpose in life? Like, “why are we here?”. I am constantly questioning things around me, there is power in being introspective. Always asking those questions is what makes me, me.

If I don't have the word of God, I would go far as to say I don't really have an identity. My whole identity is built and based on the Bible, and I do have my fleshly aspirations, but I know how sweet it is to walk with God. I know that's an abstract term, but I just say I walk with God because He's always here with me.

T: I love that your faith propels you as both an artist and person. What gravitates you towards acrylic painting as your primary medium? 

A: It's the medium that I'm most accustomed to. It's fast drying. I like the speed and ease of using acrylic compared to other paints such as oil. It's not the idea of trying to get a painting done as fast as possible, because I've tried that and I always hated the outcome. So it's not that. But acrylic paint itself suits my pace, it's easy to use. It's easy to wash the paint off the brush. It's a very simple process, I love how practical it is and love how it looks after. I'm a very simple person. 

Later in the future, I do see myself experimenting with other mediums as well, like oil on canvas or acrylic on linen canvas.

T: I’d love to see you experiment with different painting methods, given how beautiful your acrylic paintings are. Lastly, what fears do you have as an artist, and how do you hope to overcome them?

A: I'm just gonna be really honest. You know that cliche, the starving artist? It's a reality for me right now. 

“I do have a passion for painting and I'm quite confident that I'll never give up, I'll never let this go, no matter how hard this road is. I think I'm quite determined in that way because I believe that this is God's calling for me, and I believe in myself and my talents as well. I have confidence in God.” 

As of right now, I'm not really making a living out of it, so those financial fears are still there. Am I being too honest?

T: No, I admire your vulnerability and this is a reality for many artists. It's very inspiring to see people still pursuing their artistic passions regardless. Financial fears, just as many other fears are the reality for many artists and your answer will definitely resonate with many.

A: Yes, you can’t deny it. I am still excited because I don't really know where this is going, but for me, it's just important to do the best with what I have. I think this season is for me to give my 800% in painting. It's my passion. I love it. It helps me feel closer to God, which is really important to me. 

For me, what helps alleviate my fears is my faith. To trust the process, trust that God has what's best for me. I do believe that He has great things in store for me, but it's faith that keeps me going as an artist. I have faith in what He promised me, and that's it. That's all I have, but it's all I need.

You can see Ahsea Kim's full final project by purchasing Issue 04: Amygdala.