LOCKED IN & LONELY: EAMON WIN

An interview with Maya Johnson

Maya: Can you explain to me the concept of your project and what you intend the final product to be? 

Eamon: My project is centered around the fear of self-disconnect, where there's a different version of me that people see that I don't think is me. I stand by the phrase,

“The person in the mirror is not really you.” 

I've been focusing on that and the painting is a compilation of different images of certain elements of my past layered on top of each other. I'm a very obsessive painter with rendering and detailing. One of the most important parts of this painting is not so much the image itself, but rather the process. And I think the process of painting is one of the most efficient methods I have to co-existing and confronting that fear. The whole purpose of the painting is to figure out why I feel this self-disconnect and how I can understand that through the process of painting. 

Untitled, 2025.

M: When I was reading your journal, which sounds inappropriate to say out loud, I saw you wrote down self-confrontation, as if it's something you fear. Is that what you mean by the self-disconnect?

E: Self-confrontation was the ulterior goal of the painting where I originally wanted to make an image that was a portrait confronting myself, but I felt that was too literal for my taste. When I was searching through materials to use for the painting, I saw all these images of my studio and revisited my old home recently. I was looking for past sentiments and then focused on that for the imagery.

Eamon's Inspiration

• Fig 1. Self-portrait diptych from November 2023.

• Fig 2. A still from Ikebukuro West Gate Park (IWGP).

• Fig 3. Bulldog Hall @ ASU at night.

• Fig 4. A still life of Eamon's desk setup.

M: Issue four centered on the theme of fear. How is it getting personal for you? Do you think fear drives you forward? Do you think it holds you back? 

E: With this painting, I want to first and foremost express how I truly feel, and also try to find out if anyone else can relate to it through my personal images. It's a weird gray area where I’m trying to find commonality even though this is very personal to me. It does drive me forward. This painting has helped me develop an awareness about how to approach certain things in life. Having that fear is the first step to conquering it, obviously. So it definitely is a big motivator.

WIP of Untitled, 2025.

M: What were you most afraid of as a kid? Any irrational fears? Where do you think they come from?

E: My biggest fear as a kid was probably remaining out of place, which I think is pretty much the groundwork for the self-disconnect. The root cause is I kept moving around, I was in Phoenix and Scottsdale my whole life, but kept shifting around to different districts, and then I never felt like I belonged. That sense of not belonging manifested into self-disconnect, because it's like, 

Where have I actually been? Who am I really? It's just a snowball effect of I don't belong here, therefore, do I belong to myself?

I was also very afraid of dogs. (M: Really? So was my brother.) When I was two, the first dog I saw was taller than me. So I was like, “What is this thing?” It wasn't until fourth grade where I realized, okay, dogs are cool.

M: When you say fear comes from not understanding, let’s go back to your fear being self-confrontation and self-disconnect. How have you come to understand yourself more through this process? 

E: I painted a little bit throughout my childhood, but it wasn't until like two years ago until I focused on painting because I was mainly focused on just drawing and like digital works. The process of painting has helped me understand myself and how I approach things.

I'm always in such a hurry. I have no idea why. Maybe because I grew up with the big pressure of school and career and stuff. Once I graduated, it all suddenly mellowed out and now I'm running for no reason.

M: When you're approaching a painting process, a project, something that's physical. It's no take backsies, right? (E: Right.) Do you prefer the physical medium over digital? Are you more analytical or methodical with the process?

E: Yes, I do. It's the most efficient way of telling my story. It's not so much about the gratification of it, but with the physical medium you're so much more involved with it. You're getting more involved with the materials. The physical painting process is better because of how intimate it is. And you can do a lot more than just painting. I did a process called image transferring, where I printed out certain pictures and I plastered it on my canvas. The more I delve into the process, that's when the analytical phase keeps going up, the more the painting progresses. Once you get into all the details and the image starts to form, I realize, wait, I have to think about what I'm actually doing here. I have to lock in.

M: Do you think fear starts with discomfort, and if so, when do you think discomfort evolves into fear?

E: Discomfort is more so the byproduct of fear. My philosophy of fear is that it comes from just not understanding something. You probably beat yourself up for not knowing what “it” is or not knowing how to understand it. When people don't take initiative to try to understand what they fear the most, that's where the discomfort kicks in. It's pretty much like a snowball effect from there. There's this triangle between discomfort, fear, and ignorance, you know? 

M: Is there anything that you found out about yourself through this exploration of fear that's kind of surprised you? 

E: Surprised me? I don't know. I'm so locked into the painting where it’s hard to feel shocked about what's happening. I'm just letting it happen and seeing if I really resonate with it or not. In the back of my mind, the exact details of it are there, but I never drafted it out or manifested it until now.

M:Is there anything that people should know before viewing your work? Any context that would help shape their viewing experience? 

E: I want to make a painting that's so rendered out that all the clues are there. I was thinking about writing a mini piece to accompany the painting, but haven't really gotten an initiative on that yet. More so a very dramatic version of what's in my journal. It’s dramatic in the least weird way possible because that was my 2am post-grad crash out. So no context needed, I'll be there. I'll be there with the painting. Just look. People can talk to me.

M: Did you just graduate? Are you in the midst of a bit of an identity crisis then? 

Eamon Win graduating, 2025.

E: Yes, three or four weeks ago. Not so much identity, but more so, alright, what's going on here? I feel like it's a time crisis. It's very, very intense. It's all about time. That's another thing involved with this piece is time, because I have a lot of stuff from the past in there.

How do I become more efficient with the brutal process of time? Obviously time goes fast, time goes slow. How can I keep up with it? Is time even real? It's not! 

That's one of the realizations I had over vacation. I was like, wow, time is not real. I just have to keep living through the motions, through the process. Learn to live in the present.

M: Have you ever felt like you've belonged somewhere? 

E: Yeah, the studio with my paintings. I've met people along the way that felt the same way. They manifest the same issues through painting and drawing. I'm very grateful for that and to have met them.