quarter life crisis lessons
- Maya Johnson
- May 31
- 5 min read
I’m 26. I’m so young and yet also not. So much has changed and yet stayed the same, I’ve had fundamental realizations that I’m sure will be a laugh and a wave of a hand in ten years. After organizing my trains of thought, four stood out amongst the rest. You may have heard them before and if so, you’re going to hear them again. Perhaps there’s a reason everyone says them.
Table of Contents
Fail but also don’t
Every day is a winding road… (Sheryl Crow)
Core value-core
Kill yourself (not ACTUALLY, please let me explain)
FAIL BUT ALSO DON'T...
We hear a lot about how starting something is the hardest part, or that “with intelligence versus persistence, persistence always wins.” I’ve personally found the entire cycle of trying something new to be difficult—I hate letting people see my ideas, my work in progress, or even the final result. Everything is easier with your cards held to your chest.
But the worst part is that everyone knows what it takes to get better! Think about how the concept of struggle is often portrayed in the media - we love to root for an underdog, and getting a deep dive on how all their blood, sweat, and tears accumulate towards a seemingly overnight success. Theoretically, the knowledge is there to absorb and learn, and to apply it you must hypothesize, test, and fail numerous times before you get it.
You want to make something happen? You need to have a voice and an opinion rather than be cordial and understanding. Ask for help; tell people you need them. Be afraid! Be afraid of the mistakes and looking stupid and as if you don’t have it together. People say you have to fail to succeed, but that’s really not so true, is it? Some failures are impossible to come back from. The cycle is persistent. The fear is real. Progress is painful and slow and tortuous and god, sometimes the reason you need someone from the corporate world is because those fuckers know that 80% of a project is real work and the last 20% is fretting over it.
The world moves on and people will forget your accidents so fast - UNLESS it happens again. So fail and learn and fail and learn and never make the same mistake more than three times.
Perfectionism has a place, but there must be an end to every cycle, a closing of every loop. A long time ago, I started only writing in pen because a dear friend of mine told me that it made you more deliberate with what you were writing, and you would make fewer mistakes. I just started crossing mad shit out.
A long time ago, I started only writing in pen because a friend told me you would make fewer mistakes. I just started crossing mad shit out.
EVERYDAY IS A WINDING ROAD (SHERYL CROW)
Living with close friends is worth it. When else, other than your twenties, will you be able to live in such close, joyous proximity to them? The time with friends and family decreases drastically as you get older. People get married, have kids, vanish to Croatia, and it comes faster than you think. They’ll value other relationships more as they probably should. It’s the way of the world and the natural order of life.
I realized how fast time was flying by when I returned home after college. By then, I’d been transiently gone for 6 or 7 years, starting with a stint in the hospital, to boarding school, then college. The house I returned to wasn’t the house I grew up in, and it was only half decorated because my poor father had no interior design taste. I was unemployed for months, eating greek yogurt in the morning and salmon in the afternoon—a rich, nutritious life indeed, benefitting from all the lessons my father had already learned without taking the time to learn for myself. There, I realized my brother was a fully formed human being during this time, and we slowly, awkwardly became friends.
My brother actually is turning 21 during the publication of this newsletter. Everyone think to themselves, happy birthday Maya's unnamed brother!
This isn’t a section on how you should live with your family, rather coming to the understanding that it’s truly about how you realize how much faster your life speeds up each year. It’s understandable, considering how the older you get, that each year is but a smaller fraction of what you’ve already lived. I first heard the phrase, “The days go by slow, but the weeks go by fast,” in the hospital when I was seventeen. Unfortunately, it’s true, and has been ever since then. What a curse!
CORE VALUE-CORE
You come to realize you have a core value. It shows up in all your relationships—platonic, romantic, familial. Once you find out what you truly value above all else, you’ll understand what you need moving forward.
For me, it’s independence. I have a lot of confidence that I can do anything on my own (is this a little bad sometimes? sure) so I know I don’t need anyone. Even as I’ve grown, and to varying degrees wagged a finger at this part of myself, it’s still hard to not feel suffocated.
To let something of this nature define you, it’ll be both your greatest strength and greatest weakness. The human race is hypocritical and paradoxical with our ideals, wants and needs. I’m sure you’re thinking along the lines of the attachment styles, but that’s not what I mean. I have a friend whose core value is kindness; her nature truly is to choose kindness wherever she goes. She’s still a stubborn bitch though, I’ll tell you that.
What’s so terrible about being kind, you ask? The weakness there is the inability to truly be selfish.
KILL YOURSELF
Your taste narrows and you discover what you really like. Who are you? Settle into your bones. What lines work for your body? What colors? What makes you feel confident when you step into a room? What makes you feel happy?
I can still remember the first day I got blunt baby bangs (along with the rest of a ridiculous haircut that no longer remains) and how I felt looking into the mirror. Years of thrifting and accidental clothing overconsumption led me to realize that not everything interesting and cool and beautiful needs to be claimed. A very difficult lesson to learn.
It’s not, “what do I want myself to wear,” it's “what will I wear?”
It’s not, “what do I want myself to wear,” it's “what will I wear?”
I like boots for the look and because they’re easier to take off than sneakers.
I am somehow not a fan of Mary Janes even though I always think I will be. The strap over the foot is more annoying to buckle than a boot… and I always prefer a boot.
I don’t like wearing sweatpants, especially out of the house. I value comfort in many ways, but too much comfort feels greedy and indulgent.
I will always want shorts underneath any short skirt or dress so I don’t have to think about accidentally exposing myself.
Some indulgent outfits from the past couple years, boot central.
There’s an idealistic view we have of ourselves that we have to break.
At some point, though, you gotta be real with yourself. Who are you truly? I’m a bitch who wakes up 20 minutes before work in the morning and barely makes it on time (and I’m remote). My bangs need to be this short because if they’re longer they require styling and then I’ll be a greasy bangs girl. I prefer short(er) hair to long hair because right now I have wonderfully long hair that doesn’t work with the hairstyles I enjoy. The sooner you accept you, the sooner you can adapt to what you really need. It’s time for some soul searching.
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