for every day i live

I looked out the airplane

At the ice-capped mountains

Spanning the horizon

I thought about you and wanted to ask,

“Where would you travel to?”

And then tears started to slide down my face

Slowly, then flowing all at once

Because I realize I won’t ever hear an answer again

It’s been ten years since you’ve been gone

You missed out on a few things

I graduated twice

Lucky for you, you avoided a pandemic

I studied abroad

Done a few jobs

Traveled around for a while

That's pretty much it

The truth is

Some days I don't think about you as much 

But today isn't one of those days

I am still human after all

I thought it would get easier over time

But maybe the truth is

Grief gets so much harder

What kind of sick joke to get

Five days of bereavement

To process the loss of a lifetime

When the world wants those mourning to move on

And get back to normal life

I hope they fight back

And grieve

However long it takes

If you were still alive

Would I have taken you for granted?

Carelessly went through life

And gone through the motions?

Would I just let the days, months, years pass by?

And think you would live to die another day

But then I would have never considered 

What if today was the day?

Today

Today I saw the news

My classmate drove off a cliff in the dark

A friend of a friend died in their sleep

An acquaintance was crushed in a car accident

I replace myself in all these situations

And remind myself that it can be me

Would you recognize me?

I’m not the same person I was

When you left

All the chapters you have missed

And will be missing soon

But I still remember the moments with you

When you were a part of my life

And still are

Through the whispers of the wind

 And the good luck that I receive

I think about you looking out

From wherever you are

The dishes and meals that friends and family bring

Every crumb I will savor

The smell of the ocean salt or the crisp scent of pine

Every breath I will cherish

A sunset with gradients so colorful and indescribable 

Every sight I will cherish

I’ll burst out randomly into tears sometimes

Because the moment would be better with you here

For every day I live 

I live in honor of you